Phoney?

Everyone accuses Dane Cook of stealing material and being hack. Here's a bit I wrote for Dane Cook. I think he could pull this off. It should be read out loud and every word should be over pronounced.

"Today I was thinking about high school gym class. I started thinking about the gym uniforms they made us wear. I thought about how certain girls asses looked in those tight gym shorts. I began thinking how about hard it was to hide a boner in those same gym shorts. For those unfamiliar to the concept of a "brunch boner" (strongly emphasize the phrase- using your fingers as quotation marks) it's when you get a mid-day erection, after breakfast but before lunch- usually during P.E. hour. I remember running the mile, with my eye on the prize, Jennifer Smith's ass. (point two fingers towards eyes, one finger at fictional ass- start running around the stage) Remember that? Just Running. Running. Running. Running. Running Running? Remember that? Running. Running. Running. Running. Running. BAM! (stops dead in track- signaling an erection with pointer finger) "The Old B and B", "The B Squared", "The Bed and Breakfast", "The Brunch Boner." It's like what do I do with this thing? Do I jazz hands over my junk? Do I look for duct tape? Do I run to the locker room? "Brunch Boner" BAM!" (stares into camera).