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Saturday, September 02, 2006

Law And Order

Lets have an honest discussion, heart-to-heart. Im going to tell you some things, you can share some insights or just sit there and listen, much like a deaf person, except they wouldn’t be listening and you'd have to use sign language. But in a lot of ways, computers are our generation's own version of sign-language, sign-language with pictures, sometimes inappropriate pictures, of animals and humans performing unthinkable lets talk.

OK. Have you ever lit a firecracker, neatly placed it in your hand then watched it explode? No, of course not, why would you do that? So like three minutes ago I neatly placed a firework in my hand and then watched it explode.

The train of blood running down my hand from the explosion was enough to scare away half of the senior citizens in the retirement home I'm living. The other half is catatonic, so those people are just fun props. They don’t count.

I'm speaking in the metaphoric about the previous firework explosion I mentioned. I didn’t really do that, and I’m glad I didn’t. I’m not sadistic just occasionally masochistic. But aren’t we all, some more than others. I’m thinking specifically of people in JACKASS, those fucking crazies that run around stapling their genitals together. That's sadistic, and well, funny.

Those jokers are at one end of the spectrum. The other end is the people who inflict pain on others. The Tasmanian devils who treat the world as it's dusty, tumbleweed highway. They go from highway to highway destroying with impunity any obstacle that may slow them down in their desired path. They throw caution to the wind, pee on your furniture and don’t even bother to flush the toilet...bastards.

Welcome to Niketown USA. Survival of the fittest, and may the best man win. Irish need not apply. Hehehe, Irish being a euphemism for any person with minority status and or a bad haircut and three nipples. Fuck that.

From now on, I’m planting several flags of injunction. Don’t be hard on yourself my friends, it aint right. And dont let the Tasmania devils in your life dictate policy, they are for the birds. I’m commanding each and every one of you (that means probably just PAT) to go out and shake someone’s hand on the street; they are your brother or your sister. Extend the gesture, even if it's Whoopi Goldberg. Be brave.

I have to go Mrs. Quiggly in 4D just peed on my end table. I'm going to go set her straight by hitting her upside the head with a ping-pong paddle.

Take care all. Go IRISH!


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