(Insert Chicago Bulls Intro Music)

I realized today that blogs are reserved for self-absorbed Internet junkies, tech-savy rockstars, and people who like to masturbate a lot. Fitting all of the above criteria I open myself to a whole new social phenomenon.

If I could have done something today beside data entry- I would have walked Belmont and Clark. Found a half smoked cigar curbside and listened to James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" on repeat -Both forms of torture in their own way.

Watching the Emmys is like smelling your upper-lip. It is questionable and unnecessary behavior but you do it sometimes and regret it afterwards. The Emmy's are like a gruelling game of Dungeons & Dragons where you lose the dice in the last round. (1) I watched a two hour red carpet where celebrities were drilled with stimulating Q&As involving post show dining plans and A-List parties. Their engagements didn't mean much to me because I knew I'd just end up eating a bowl of salsa, beating it, then falling asleep.

Everytime I see a skunk I freak out and run away. They remind me of socially-inept cartoon Oreo cookies that are fluent in French.

I really miss college. Today I got kicked out of Starbucks for playing "quarters" with the tip jar.

Blog On Brother, Seacrest Out.

(1) unsubstantiated claim- never played it ladies.